


He Has Magic

by Guessimaclotpole



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Era, First Time, Hurt Merlin, Love Confessions, M/M, Merlin's Magic Revealed, Possessive Merlin (Merlin), Protective Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Treason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-08-11 16:50:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16479272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guessimaclotpole/pseuds/Guessimaclotpole
Summary: Merlin has used his magic in order to save the life of King Uther Pendragon, but regardless of his loyalty to his King, he is to be executed for the practice of Sorcery.Or, the story of how Arthur Pendragon chose friendship and love over family and duty.





	1. I Cant Change What I Am

**Author's Note:**

  * For [whimsycatcher](https://archiveofourown.org/users/whimsycatcher/gifts).



> This is a four part story, based on four beautiful images created by the wonderful WhimsyCatcher.
> 
> As it is Halloween, and therefore Whimsy's birthday - I am choosing today to post part one.
> 
> Happy Birthday Whimsy!
> 
> I'd also like to send my love to Devon for being a very honest and kind beta for me. You can find her AO3 [ here. ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DevonShea/pseuds/DevonShea/works)
> 
> I'd also like to thank Sarah and Penn for reading through this when I was very ill and my writing was suffering from it. 
> 
> Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is inspired by the following image: [ I can't change what I am.](http://whimsycatcher.tumblr.com/post/164476697263?is_related_post=1#notes)

His hands and knees slammed against the wooden floor, sending waves of pain through his limbs. He tried to calm his mind, to remain focused - but there was too much of everything. Too much pain, too many thoughts… too much noise.

“Sire, you have it wrong. Merlin wouldn’t ever-”

“Enough, Gaius! Unless you want to spend the night in the cells alongside him then I suggest you don’t speak out of line any more. Where is Arthur? Go and fetch him! _NOW_ ”

Two sets of hands held out his arms and pushed against his shoulders until he was lying on his stomach on the ground, nose touching the floor. He couldn’t cry. He wouldn’t cry. He should have known this would happen one day; he was told never to be careless. If his mother could see him, Gods, what would his mother do after he’d-

“Father, what is the meaning of this?” roared Arthur from the door to the council chambers. Merlin could hear the impatient pace in his step and he couldn’t help it - his stomach dropped. Arthur couldn’t know. He could never know. “Why is he being held on the floor like that, get your hands off him! Father, this is madness - it’s Merlin, for crying out loud. What do you expect him to do? Having two men hold him down like that is-”

“He has magic.” said Uther, matter-of-factly. Merlin could feel the King’s glare burning into the top of his head. He knew Arthur wouldn’t believe it - but Merlin had been an idiot. This was his prize for trying to save the King’s life. 

“Father, it’s _Merlin_! See reason here. He can’t even walk on his own two feet, never mind practice magic. Get off him! I’m ordering you to-”

“You have no right” growled Uther from his throne, and though he was being held to the floor, he instinctively recoiled from the voice. Uther was no man when it came to magic - his mind had been overcome by grief, loss and madness. 

“I have every right. He is my servant, and- well, he’s my friend, Father. I will not see him manhandled by- GET OFF ME!”

Merlin didn’t need to see to know what was happening. He heard the heavy footsteps of several guards surrounding Arthur. He must have made a move in Merlin’s direction. Here he was, trying to defend his poor servant after all Merlin had done was lie to him for years. 

The thought crossed his might for a fraction of a second: You should have let the king die, but he shook it off. It wouldn’t do to think such things when his magic riled up and bubbling against his fingertips.

“Your servant quite openly used a spell in the castle courtyard, Arthur, with plenty of witnesses.” It was true, Merlin had heard the druidic voice in his mind - and he had ran from his bed in the middle of the night, not even fully dressed, to find Uther outside with a few knights and a man he didn’t recognise, a man asking for a bed to sleep in after his village had been raided. Of course, Uther didn’t turn him away, and as he looked away from the druid for the slightest second, there had been a dagger. 

Merlin didn’t even think. He sent the dagger forwards into the courtyard and he knocked the druid at least fifteen feet away from Uther. But something had gone wrong. No-one went after the druid when he got up and ran away. Instead, Uther pointed at Merlin - accusations of treason, lies and betrayal flowing from his mouth.

Merlin had sacrificed his own life for King Uther Pendragon.

There was silence in the throne room for a few minutes, and then Sir Leon spoke. “Sire, perhaps Merlin doesn’t mean harm to any of us. He has always been loyal and-”

“ENOUGH!” shouted Uther. “This entire kingdom knows the laws against sorcery. It is frequently used against this family and I will not allow it in my kingdom. Magic has tried and failed to take down the house of Pendragon, Merlin, and neither you or your magical friends will ever live to bother trying - stand him up! Make him show Arthur - he deserves to see the truth” he spat out. Merlin stayed limp as he was dragged to his feet and over to where Arthur was held against one of the pillars. 

Merlin didn’t even dare look at his face. Instead, he stared at Arthur’s white tunic, and the stitches in the seam where Arthur had ripped it a few days ago. He’d watched as Merlin fixed it up, and asked where he learned to do it. His eyes shifted to the right side of the tunic, where yesterday he had spent an entire afternoon scrubbing at a wine stain - and by some miracle managed to remove it without magic.

“Merlin?” Arthur’s voice was gentle, yet apprehensive. 

In that moment, Merlin made a decision. He had lied to Arthur for long enough, and Gods, if he hadn’t tried his hardest for his future King. He considered all that he had done for Arthur, and thought about their relationship. He would do this, because Arthur deserved the truth, and he deserved the chance to make a decision.

He let out a defeated sigh and looked up into those Cerulean blue eyes. The hurt was already there, that much was clear by the way the Prince was visibly holding back tears and holding his jaw in that way he always did when someone struck him a fatal blow. 

He took one hard look at Arthur - and this wasn’t the way he wanted to see him, not for the final time. 

But he had no choice.

His magic had been waiting for this moment, and so Merlin focused all of his energy into something he had never, ever dared to attempt. Gaius’ warnings loomed heavy in his mind before he aggressively pushed them aside.

“ _Prohibere Tempus_ ” he whispered, and everything stopped. Everything other than himself and Arthur. He could feel time slipping away, he had to be quick. He looked into Arthur’s startled gaze to see his own golden eyes staring back at him in the reflection of the Prince’s.

“Arthur, I am sorry. I can’t tell you how sorry I am, but everything I have ever done and will ever do… It’s always been for you. It is my destiny to be by your side. I know I don’t deserve it by any means - but I’ll give you a chance to go, to get away until I find a way to find you so I can fix this.”

“Merlin… I-”

“I’m sorry, Arthur” Merlin whimpered, grasping onto the spell with the final threads of his magic. “There is no time. I’m sorry” and then there was a flash of gold. The knights holding Arthur in place were thrown into the air and then Merlin was rushed out of the room.

He didn’t have time to see what Arthur had chosen.

 

~~

 

Uther Pendragon was a remarkably clever man. 

He was also a hypocrite.

Merlin had known of dark magic, but had never thought to practice it. He certainly wouldn’t have imagined that Uther himself would have tools of dark magic, yet here he was; shackled in iron bars marked with ancient words that kept him from using his powers - that forced the magic to bleed out of him.

What series of choices had led him here? He had no idea what was happening outside of the dungeons and he was, quite literally, being kept in the dark. Guilt welled up inside of him at the thought of what Uther would do to Gaius, the man who kept him hidden and safe, and also in close proximity to the royal family. He couldn’t let any harm come to him. And what of Gwen? Morgana? Surely they would do what they could. Merlin was almost as close to them as he was to Arthur. Would they fight for him? 

Merlin stared down at his wrists, raw and burning from the scalding contact of the metal he was bound by. He had managed to relax his body enough to stifle the aches in his muscles, but the cold air brushed against his bare torso and sent violent shivers down his body. Uther may want to execute him in the morning, but he'd be lucky to survive the night. 

Merlin wouldn’t get to see anyone, to thank anyone. He’d never see Gaius, Morgana, Gwen, Arthur… He’d never see his Mother again.

He tried to force his eyes closed; fed up with watching the hint of gold leaving his body with every exhale, fed up with pretending to be brave. Instead, the tears burned his eyes, shimmering with the golden magic being drawn from his body. 

He cried himself to sleep for what he figured would be final time.

 

~~

 

“Merlin”

He was dead.

“ _Mer_ lin”

Was he dead?

“ _Merlin_!” Arthur’s voice whispered threateningly from the other side of the bars. Merlin’s eyes shot open at the sound and he instinctively lunged forwards, ready to jump into his Prince’s embrace. Of course, agony rippled through his arms and when the cuffs around his wrists pulled him back towards the wall, the sound of sizzling flesh echoed through the too-quiet dungeon. He would have vomited from the pain if his body had the energy - instead he fell to his knees and arched his back away from Arthur. His friend shouldn’t have to see him this way.

“Why are you here, Arthur? If they find out -”

“They won’t find out” Arthur interrupted Merlin’s broken, hoarse voice. “Though, Merlin, I do have to ask one thing, if you wouldn’t mind?”

Merlin choked out a scornful laugh. The sound was unlike one that he’d ever make. It was low, dark. “Do I have a choice?” He looked back at Arthur who eyed him with curiosity. 

“Tell me, why did you come to Camelot?” 

This wasn’t really the question he had been expecting. Honestly, he’d thought Arthur would have tried to kill him. The question threw him off guard and he was left questioning. Why did he come to Camelot? The reason his Mother had was slightly ridiculous given Merlin’s inability to remain hidden, but Merlin couldn’t exactly go telling Arthur about their destiny now, could he? But then he supposed he had already divulged as much in his panicked state earlier on.

Arthur cleared his throat when Merlin didn’t answer the question. “Merlin,” his voice broke a little, and he spoke with more softness this time. “Magic can be practiced legally in so many places, yet you choose to come here? I am not asking this in jest here, are you suicidal?” he sounded angrier now. He was scolding Merlin. “You could have been found out, you could have gotten yourself killed or-”

“Could have?” replied Merlin, using his head to gesture to the bars between them so that he didn’t have to cause any more pain to his wrists. Arthur was angry at him, but not for being magical or lying to him. He was angry at Merlin for not protecting himself.

This made something inside of Merlin stir and he could feel his magic tingling beneath his skin, desperate to react. Of course, the magic he was bound by prevented him from doing so, and instead, his tear ducts burned as his magic left his body the only way it could; once more, through his tears.

“Merlin, why did you never tell me? I could have helped you stay hidden.” Arthur seemed to be trying to comfort him now, but it only made him cry harder. What did he do to deserve a destiny entwined with this amazing, honorable man?

He managed to stifle a sob before speaking, the words coming out between sniffles and gasps. “Because of this, Arthur. I have wanted to tell you since the start, I swear. I just- I didn’t want to end up here. I didn’t want to have to die, to leave you. I know I shouldn’t have hidden it from you but I- I can’t change what I am.”

A fresh sob tore through him and he wanted nothing more than to dig his hands into his eyes, but he was prevented from even doing that. Instead, his golden tears fell to his chest - leaving behind them a warm, tickling sensation under his skin. He didn’t bother looking up when he heard the sound of keys.

“Merlin, look at me.” said Arthur, who had opened the gates to the dungeon and was now kneeling in front of Merlin. His face was slightly fuzzy due to the tears blurring Merlin’s vision, but here he was - sacrificing his responsibilities for his servant once again. Arthur placed a warm hand on Merlin’s knee before continuing. “I don’t want you to change, okay?”

In that moment, Merlin was sure that his heart broke just a little- if only he’d known earlier- but then Arthur dumped a load of material onto Merlin’s legs.

“Put these on. We’re going, and we don’t have much time.” Arthur said, flashing his best winning smile as though he wasn’t the Prince of Camelot about to smuggle a prisoner, about to be executed under his own Father’s orders, out of the castle. He then unlocked the cuffs around Merlins wrists. “Meet me at the other end when you’re dressed” he whispered, patting his servant on the shoulder. Then he was gone.


	2. The Cave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [this picture](http://whimsycatcher.tumblr.com/post/164983513783), by whimsycatcher

Arthur heard the patter of Merlin’s feet before he had time to warn his servant.

“Oi! What are you doing out of there, ey?” echoed the low, burly voice of Sir Geraint and Arthur didn’t even think. He crept forward, slowly approaching the back of the knight and when Merlin caught his eye, Arthur raised his finger to his lips.

“I was er- well, I had-”

When Arthur’s fist collided with the side of Sir Geraint’s cranium, Merlin let out a squeak and the knight fell to the ground in a heap. Arthur raised his eyes to look back at Merlin with a warning expression. “Next time, Merlin, use your brain!” he hissed before taking Merlin’s hand and running back towards the tunnel. 

Arthur didn’t have to ask because as they reached the end, Merlin lifted his hand and blew open the bars. Arthur watched for the second time as the magic swirled like golden stars in his servant’s eyes. His servant was a sorcerer. His servant was a liar.

But his servant was his friend.

There was no time to talk about it, so Arthur tightened his grip on Merlin’s hand and pulled his friend along behind him. He was aware of Merlin’s struggle for breath and the way his feet fell a little heavier with every step; but they couldn’t stop. Arthur knew they had attracted a few strange looks as they sprinted through the grounds, and sure enough, the warning bells began to sound just as the edge of the forest was in sight. 

“Arthur, I-I can’t… Just leave me, please. Y-You’ll get yourself in-in trouble.” Merlin wheezed and all Arthur could do was shake his head manically as he pulled them behind a wall. Here, the wind lashed them with cold rain that Arthur could feel stinging his eyes as he tried to look for those who might see them. 

Next to him, Merlin’s knees seemed to wobble and Arthur spun around, grabbing his loyal servant’s elbow just quick enough to soften his landing as he fell, boneless, to the floor. 

“Hey, hey-Merlin? We’re going to get you out and we’re going to get you warm,” Arthur looked at the raw markings on Merlin’s wrists and shuddered. Keeping Merlin locked up and bound like some sort of wild animal was potentially the biggest betrayal Arthur had ever known. He had implored his Father to see reason; because after all, Merlin had never done them any harm before. But Uther Pendragon was not a reasonable man. Arthur was just lucky not to be banished to the dungeons himself. 

Merlin’s head dropped and his eyes rolled into the back of his head for a moment, and Arthur dropped to the ground next to him, taking Merlin’s face in his hands.

“Merlin? Oi, don’t pass out on me yet, alright? My armour won’t clean itself after all of this.”

Arthur shuddered as he said it but that was what they did when other words failed them. They jested with each other, even in the most critical of situations. 

“Prat.” Merlin responded, holding Arthur’s gaze if only for a second.

“You wouldn’t have me any other way, now come on.” Arthur fitted a hand around Merlin’s waist and hoisted him up. Merlin wasn’t as light as he appeared and Arthur struggled under the weight of them both, one injured and both of them soaking wet.

He shook his head, gritted his teeth and began to move. The rain had turned to sleet, and the clouds visible in the skies ahead lay low with the threat of a very nasty storm. He had to get them out of sight, and out of the weather.

 

~~

 

“Merlin?” Arthur asked, giving his friend a gentle shake in his arms. Merlin had passed out about an hour ago, and so Arthur had carried him, careful not to injure him any further. After the struggle of the escape, and the lack of any food or water, Arthur was about ready to pass out himself.

He had never been so happy to see the opening of a cave.

“Come on, Merlin. Please wake up?” he asked, stepping into the mouth of the cave and leaning back against the hard surface of the rock.

Merlin gasped, his eyes shooting open and illuminating the cave in a blinding golden light that Arthur could feel right beneath his skin.

“M-Magic-” Merlin choked, lifting a shaking hand and focusing his gaze on a fixed point in the roof of the cave. Arthur looked up but nothing was there. Then he listened as foreign words came out in a deep whisper from Merlin’s mouth, echoing on the walls around them and surrounding them with the warmth of magic.

Merlin’s eyes fell closed once more as the whispers became more relaxed; and then there was a blue light. Arthur looked around, frantically trying to locate the source, but the light didn’t come from anywhere at all; it was just… there.

“Merlin…” Arthur looked down at his servant, wet and shaking in his arms and he questioned everything he had ever known. He had been raised to hate everything that was magic, and magic had proved so many times to be evil.

But now, with his dearest friend in his arms, there was no way that magic could be evil. Not when it can be created by someone so… so  _ Mer _ lin. So, Arthur did all he could, and held Merlin closer, trying to ignore the rumbling of the thunder and the weight of betrayal on his shoulders.

Not only had he betrayed Merlin for years, in his ignorance of magic, but now he had betrayed his own father. His own King.

 

~~

 

“Arthur?”

Arthur snapped awake, his body lunging in its readiness to fight, only to see Merlin flinch away from him. He froze, taking in Merlin’s bare torso and the red markings on his wrists; but more so the way his veins glowed golden under his skin, the light pulsing around his body.

“Merlin, wha- I don’t understand,” Arthur stammered, his hand reaching instinctively forwards, and settling on Merlin’s chest, where he could feel the warmth radiating from his skin. “Where?” Arthur wasn’t even sure what to ask anymore.

Merlin cleared his throat and his eyes settled on Arthur’s hand.

_ Oh _

Arthur pulled his hand away and cleared his own throat.

“Erm, there is magic in this cave, Arthur. And I was able to connect with it. I’m not exactly healed but it’s helped me a lot. Your Father, he, er, he bound me in magical-”

“I know what he did, Merlin.” Arthur interrupted, sickened that the man who taught him that magic was evil, would use it against Merlin of all people.  _ Mer _ lin. “I know, and I can’t be sorry enough.”

Merlin shrugged, as though Arthur were merely apologising for something as small as accidentally standing on his toe. “I’m alive, aren’t I? Because of you, no less. I owe you my life.” Merlin said.

“And I owed you my own many a time before this, Merlin. Let’s call us even, shall we?” Arthur suggested, and Merlin nodded. “Don’t suppose you could magic up some chicken?” Arthur asked, only half-joking because his stomach was audibly growling now.

“‘Fraid not. I can’t just create natural objects where there was none before. At least, not yet. Though, I did find a few sturdy leaves outside which would catch some rainwater. It’s not the tastiest, but it won’t kill us to drink it.” Merlin replied, and Arthur smiled in thanks. There were worse people he could be stuck in a cave with.

Arthur sat back and kneaded at the aches in his thighs. He had no way of knowing what time it was, but it was still dark and still miserable. He couldn’t remember when he had last eaten and his body felt as though he’d been the one bound and thrown away.

He closed his eyes, only for a moment.

 

~~

 

Fire.

Arthur’s eyes flew open to the sight of the orange flames in front of him and the harsh smell of smoke, thick in the air.

“Merlin! Are you  _ mad?!  _ They’ll-”

Arthur was cut off by the sound of a distant horn.

He immediately stood up and stomped the fire out, only to see that Merlin was not in the cave. Panic set in and he frantically looked around. He checked outside and around the shrubbery and trees, but there was no Merlin. He shouted as loud as he could risk, no Merlin.

He began to sweat, regardless of the freezing wind and heavy fall of sleet on his head.

“Arthur, what happened to the fire?”

Merlin was behind him. “ _ Mer _ lin? They’ve found us! Where the hell were you?!” 

Merlin’s face contorted into panic and nearby they heard the sound of feet on wet ground. Merlin grabbed Arthur’s hand and dragged him back into the cave, where he slid into a tiny crevice and muttered some foreign words. The crevice began to glow and Arthur wanted to shout and tell Merlin that this was a horrible idea, but then the sounds were close and Arthur took matters into his own hands.

He threw his own body against Merlin’s, covering every inch of him that he possibly could. If they wanted Merlin, it was Arthur they’d have to kill.

“Is he in there?” came the familiar voice of Sir Kay.

Then Arthur could hear them, right in the opening of the cave.

“Nah, I can’t see anything. They must’ve been here though, fire’s just been put out and there are clothes. Here, take the shirt so the dogs can pick up the scent trail.”

Arthur couldn’t believe that he was hearing them leave the cave. How had they  _ not  _ seen?

Merlin sagged between Arthur’s body and the wall of the crevice, and Arthur wrapped an arm around his stomach.

“You okay?” Arthur asked, breathing heavily against the back of Merlin’s neck. No, he couldn’t think about that now. He mustn’t.

“Yeah.” Merlin panted. “Magic… they couldn’t see us. The cave is magical, Arthur. It helped conceal us.”

Arthur stepped back then, taking in the sight of this remarkable idiot. But he wasn’t an idiot, really, was he? He was magical, a  _ sorcerer _ ; and the world was full of things that Arthur didn’t know and didn’t understand.

Arthur knew they had a long night ahead of them, trapped in the confines of the magical cave, and he planned on finding out everything.

 


	3. I want all of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [this picture](http://whimsycatcher.tumblr.com/post/155330913218), by whimsycatcher : I want all of you

Merlin and Arthur had been sat in quiet for some time. A strong wind blew into the mouth of the cave, carrying with it a painfully cold showering of sleet. A part of him wished he was strong enough to magic away the weather, but another part of him knew that such things weren’t to be tampered with. 

Instead, he watched as Arthur aggressively picked at a few loose stones in the wall. There was a look on the Prince’s face that Merlin had seen before, and Merlin knew better than to say anything. Instead, he tried to focus his mind on the magic of the cave. If he listened very, very carefully he could almost hear it whispering to him. 

_ “Two sides of the same coin” _

He managed to hold back a snort of laughter. The cave, Kilgharrah, even his own mother had said this and every time, the idea seemed more hilarious. It couldn’t be further from the truth because here he was, sat in a cave after almost being murdered by the King of Camelot.  By his destiny’s Father. 

Merlin was that deep in thought that he hadn’t noticed that Arthur’s movements had completely stilled, and that he was rigid, staring at a little crack in the floor.  He stayed that way for a minute before he inhaled deeply.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Arthur asked so quietly that it was barely audible in the silent space around them. This time though, there was more hurt in his voice than Merlin had ever heard. 

An overwhelming sense of shame and guilt swept through his bones and Merlin found himself unable to think of an answer that sounded even half-reasonable.

“Actually, I know  _ why  _  you didn’t tell me. Because magic is against the rules, right?”

Merlin thought back to the dungeon. To when Arthur comforted him and called him an idiot for coming to Camelot. He wondered what had changed since then to make Arthur seem to much more hostile. Merlin nodded, still unable to speak.

Arthur laughed then, but there was no humor in it. In fact, when Merlin let his gaze linger on Arthur’s face, he saw the tears in the Prince’s eyes.

“Merlin, back when you drank that poison for me… Why do you think I saved your life? Back when Anhora made me choose between my life and yours, why do you think it was that choice I had to make?”

Merlin didn’t have to think too hard. They were friends, after all; even if they’d both deny it when asked. Not only that, but Arthur was noble and kind. He’d have done the same for anyone. Merlin stumbled over the words in his mind, but he figured that Arthur maybe didn’t want an answer.

“Why do you think, Merlin, that Anhora chose you and not my Father? Why do you think he chose you and not Morgana? Why do you think he chose you and not Sir Leon?” The emotion in Arthur’s voice threatened to break at any given moment. Merlin could tell he was only just keeping his composure.

“I don’t know.” Merlin sighed, only now realising that he was almost crying, himself. 

Arthur shook his head then, his eyes betraying the sadness he tried to mask with an ignorant smile. 

“Why is it so hard for you to see? I would do  _ anything  _ for you, Merlin! I almost got myself killed in the process of getting that Mortaeus flower and I’d do it again!” 

Merlin gulped back the urge to whimper at the raised tone of Arthur’s voice. He couldn’t make sense of Arthur’s words at all.

“What is it that you don’t understand about everything that has happened in our lives?” Arthur asked, his gaze meeting Merlin’s in a deep stare. “What did you not understand about me never firing you despite your attitude? What did you not understand about my coming to Ealdor to help save your Mother? Why do you think it was only you I would listen to after Morgause filled my head with that nonsense about my Mother? Why do you think I do everything I can to put that stupid, beautiful smile back on your face when you’re upset? Why do you-”

Arthur threw his hand over his mouth and shook his head as he pulled his gaze back towards the floor. Merlin hadn’t-he didn’t-

_ ‘That stupid, beautiful smile…’ _

Merlin’s breath caught in his throat and suddenly his he could hear his heart thumping in his ears. He could feel it pounding in his throat.

“Arthur, I-”

“It doesn’t matter, Merlin. I can’t make you feel that way, too.” Arthur mumbled. “But please, why didn’t you tell me? I had made it all obvious from the beginning, Merlin. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

Merlin watched a stone skip across the floor after Arthur nudged it with his foot. It was too much to think about. He wanted Arthur to know that he meant no harm to him. He wanted Arthur to know that he only ever used his magic for him. He wanted Arthur to know that he only kept it a secret so they could be close.

He wanted Arthur to know he loved him.

“I’m sorry for not telling you, Arthur.” Merlin whispered through his shame. “I was fooled into thinking it was for the best.”

“Yeah? Well look where it’s got us.” Arthur said, roughly gesturing at the cave with his hand. “I just betrayed my own Father for you.”

Merlin shook his head.

“No Arthur, you betrayed your own Father because it was right-”

“I DID IT FOR YOU!” Arthur yelled, causing Merlin to recoil in terror. “How many people have been wrongly accused of sorcery and have died while I stood by and watched? I did it for  _ you _ , Merlin.”

Arthur’s eyes stared fiercely into Merlin’s and a single tear made its way down the Prince’s cheek.

If it weren’t for that tear, Merlin perhaps would not have spoken. 

“What? You don’t think everything I did was for you?! I have risked death plenty of times, Arthur, to save you. I have tried again and again to keep you and those you love from harm! I’ve done everything in power to stay close to you,  _ everything! _ And it took me saving your father’s life to then be treated as a criminal! The reason I didn’t expose my magic is because I would have been killed!” 

The temperature in the cave seemed to rise around them as they both panted breathlessly through their anger, made worse by their exhaustion and dehydration.

Then, in a move Merlin hadn’t expected, Arthur threw himself forward onto his knees and caught Merlin’s lips in a soft and gentle kiss.

It lasted no more than a second before Arthur pulled back slowly. It was a request.

And so Merlin closed the distance the second time. This time, he wrapped his arms around Arthur’s waist, feeling the heat from beneath Arthur’s clothes. He tried to hide his own shiver that was half brought on by the cold, and half by the Prince who had confessed to his forbidden feelings for his lowly servant.

“You’re so cold.” Arthur whispered, his hands grasping at the skin of Merlin’s back.

Merlin didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. He just kissed Arthur and tried to convey his thoughts as best as he could with his lips.

“Such an idiot.” Arthur breathed, pushing in closer and forcing Merlin’s naked back to press against the cold wall as Arthur’s hands moved to his neck and hair.

Then in a temporary moment of madness, Merlin pulled at the Prince’s shirt, lifting it over his head and pulling Arthur in, so the skin of their torsos were pressed flush against each other. 

“I’m the idiot?” Merlin asked, a playful smirk trying to slide between their lips.

“How did you never see that I wanted you?” Arthur asked, returning the smile, and Merlin thought that it made the kiss taste that little bit sweeter.

“How could you want someone born of magic?” Merlin asked, his heart aching at the very question.

“I want  _ all _ of you, Merlin... Understand? I always did, and I still do.”

 


	4. You are my King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [this picture](http://whimsycatcher.tumblr.com/post/154098356083), by whimsycatcher : You are my King

As they made love, they did it wordlessly for the most part. Only parting their mouths from each other’s bodies to whisper one another’s names like a new found sacred truth. It was too much and not enough, and Arthur had never felt like something was so fundamentally right.

This was Merlin. The same Merlin who came to Camelot with a mouth that would get him killed and a once hidden secret that almost did. This was Merlin who had been there to see Arthur through every disagreement with his father. 

This was Merlin who sacrificed his own feelings when he told Arthur to go after Gwen; and this was Merlin who, everyday, sacrificed his life to keep Arthur safe.

This was Merlin, who had always loved Arthur.

And Arthur loved him.

They lay naked, chests pressed flush together in front of a fire that gave off no light, which Merlin had somehow conjured during their show of affection. 

They lay, eyes locked and unspeaking, in a post-confessional bliss. Arthur knew that the world wasn't right; that his father had gone mad with power, and that the lives of all of those related in anyway to magic were in danger. 

But right in that moment, his body as one with the man he loved, all he needed was Merlin. 

They lay in the cave, under the flickering lights of another passing storm. The thunder and heavy rain filling the silence between them. 

Then, after a what felt like a lifetime spent gazing into the most wonderful pair of stormy blue eyes, Arthur let himself smile. It wasn't a smile like those used when addressing those of equal standing, nor was it a smile used when addressing those who were poor. It wasn't a smile to hide his true emotions and it wasn't a smile to mask the guilt of everything that he'd done wrong. 

It was a smile. Honest, genuine, true. 

“You're so beautiful,” Merlin whispered, resting two gentle fingertips over Arthur's temple. “So breathtakingly beautiful, Arthur.” he admitted before moving his fingers, slowly, to trail a pattern across Arthur's lips. 

Arthur kissed them softly. 

“Physical beauty is one earned by birth. I was lucky, that’s all. But to have total beauty, inside and out… You are impossible, Merlin. Impossible.”

Arthur felt his stomach flutter when Merlin’s cheeks flushed a deep pink colour, surreal looking by the crimson light of the fire beside them.

“No, Arthur. I try my best and that is all anyone can do. You can not truly believe that I am beautiful inside without seeing that in yourself, too. Take a look at where you are. You are in a cave in God knows where, the future king of Camelot, naked in a storm, shivering with the cold and probably catching your death out here. And what for?”

Arthur opened his mouth to argue that it was for Merlin; that everything was for Merlin... It always would be, but Merlin lifted a finger to silence him.

“You did it for someone as lowly as a manservant, Arthur. You cannot think unkindly of yourself after this act of friendship.”

“I wouldn’t have done it for just anyone, you know.” Arthur huffed when Merlin’s lip quirked up in a smirk.

“Maybe not, but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t a noble gesture. The willingness to risk everything for someone else. Especially someone of my standing…” Merlin stretched his neck, his eyes never leaving Arthur’s.

It was clear to Arthur that Merlin was telling the truth. He had risked everything and now, nothing would ever be the same. He had fled Camelot for love, and now he had to decide what to do. He wanted Merlin, but he was not the type of Prince who would abandon his people.

He looked into the depths of Merlin’s adoring eyes and traced the outlines of his body, the occasional gold pulse under his skin, which not ten minutes before had been glowing from his body in a state of euphoria. 

They were meant to be together, and maybe one day they could be but Camelot had to come first and Merlin would not be safe in Camelot.

“You’re thinking too hard, you’ll hurt yourself,” Merlin teased and Arthur was surprised to feel a single tear leave his left eye. Merlin’s expression hesitated, and his smile lost all of its  youthfulness.

“No witty comeback?” Merlin asked, worry evident in his tone.

“I need to get back to Camelot somehow. My father is delusional and must be stopped. There will be a way to get through to him, I just need to find it.”

Merlin nodded.

“Yes, Arthur, but what if you can’t get through to him?” Merlin asked.

“If it comes to that… but hopefully it won’t. Which is why you can’t stay here,” Arthur mumbled, horrified at the idea of what could be. 

Merlin recoiled as though slapped and Arthur instinctively reached out to place a hand over his chest.

“Merlin, I need you safe. I can’t prioritise you above Camelot, nor can I expect you to come there with me. I’d be signing your death sentence. You should stay with Hunith and I can come and find you once it’s sorted. I can come-”

“No.”

Arthur stopped, stunned at Merlin’s abrupt words and ungiving expression.

“No?” Arthur asked.

“No.” Merlin confirmed.

Arthur shook his head, even managing a little snort at Merlin’s stubbornness.

“Merlin I will say this once and once only. If anything were to happen to you, I… I just can’t lose you. I can’t. You are my everything and Gods do I hate myself for even saying it to your face, but I really bloody love you, Merlin. Magic is legal in Cenred’s kingdom and so that is where you should wait.” 

Merlin looked shocked, if only for a moment, and then he entwined Arthur’s fingers with his own.

“Arthur, I love you too, and I also love Camelot. This is why I must come with you. We are two halves of a whole and we are the only way to fix this. And to hell with Cenred and Uther. I shall serve no other, _you_ are _my_ king.” Merlin blinked, his lips unmoving as what looked like small golden stars were appearing all around him. The stars joined between their bodies and formed a golden crown, which placed itself above Arthur’s head. “ _My_ king.”

Merlin wasn't going to budge on this, and Arthur supposed it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to have Merlin at his side in this fight. 

“Maybe we could keep the crown for some ‘us’ time?” Arthur asked with a playful smirk and Merlin snorted and hit his arm. It was time to think of a plan.

 

~~

 

When Arthur heard the knights approaching once more, they had been taken off guard, but they were ready. They stood in the crevice in the wall of the cave, and Merlin had his magic ready to defend. They were all but invisible to the naked eye when they seemed to realise that the Knights were having a rather interesting conversation.

“No, I can’t find him. He’s a total lovestruck idiot is what he is. Fancy walking out of the sodding castle, I could kill him!”

Leon.

“Honestly, I don’t know who’s worse. Uther for being totally insane or Arthur for throwing his entire kingdom in the air for the sake of bloody Merlin, of all people!” Owain added.

“Oi!” said Arthur before his brain could catch up, and just like that the spell was broken.

“Arthur!” exclaimed Leon with a shit-eating grin while Owain blushed up to his eyebrows.

No one mentioned that they were naked and thankfully, the knights weren’t here on Uther’s commands.

 

~~~

 

“So you think we can take it back?” Arthur asked. Leon had given him the fill that most of the Knights had disagreed with Uther's decision to execute Merlin, but once Arthur had left the entirety of Camelot had apparently burst into an uproar.

“I think we can. Violence-free this way, but it means you may have to become king earlier than intended, okay?” 

Arthur nodded, placed a hand in Merlin’s, and looked back to Leon.

“The sooner the better. We have some laws to change and we must be sure to get Merlin’s belongings moved into the royal chambers and his name added to the Council. It’s about time our Court Sorcerer had his rightful place in this Kingdom.”

And if Arthur could have lived the rest of his life only ever seeing one thing again, it would be the smile on Merlin’s face, with the feeling that they were in this together, no matter the outcome

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone! Sorry this is overdue. Unfortunately, I have had some rather unpleasant health issues to deal with but I'm on the mend!
> 
> I may post a sequel to this one day, but for now, thank you!


End file.
